I believe most women have a deep-rooted curiosity about childbirth before they actually live through it; I definitely did. When I found out I was pregnant in August of 2007, I was ecstatic, but there was another feeling. There was a deep rooted, unspeakable and almost shameful fear, a fear of the unknown, undoubtedly. I had no idea what to expect. I was twenty years old, and there was no way I could bring a child into this world, raise it--let alone push it THROUGH my VAGINA! What was it going to feel like? What if I couldn't handle the pain? What if I tore 'down there' like so many other women?
Needless to say, I was mortified. I don't believe I'm the only woman who harboured these thoughts before or during pregnancy, and surely I won't be the last. I'd like to spell out some of the things I experienced during labor, and attempt to dispel some of the anxiety, in case I have some nervous mother-to-be reading..Just trying to help!
In the days prior to my due date, which fell on April 15th, I walked miles, literally. I was absolutely HUGE, uncomfprtable, had to pee every fifteen minutes, my back hurt, I couldn't sleep, and my family had finally shown up in anticipation of the childbirth. All fear of that pain I was going to feel was kind of put on the back burner, because I was so ready, not only to meet my baby girl, but also to have my body back. A lot of people had told me that the fear goes away toward the end, because you're simply fed up with pregnancy, and I never believed I'd be ready for "the worst pain of my life," as my mother put it, but I definitely was.
I had been incredibly emotional that ay, because the night before, went I decided to go to sleep, I was convinced I'd be waking up to hurry to the hospital. My contractions weren't steady, but they were falling between four and ten minutes apart, and were getting increasingly more intense. I woke up with no baby--and no contractions at four in the morning. I woke my husband up from a deep sleep; wailing, and spewing tears, we walked two miles to the hotel where my mothers and grandmother were staying. That day we walked. A lot.
I had some back pain that day, which was pretty uncomfortable, but in fact was no worse than the normal, day to day pain I'd been suffering just from carrying my daughter for so long. I was having contractions, but I thought there was no way I could have possibly been in labor, because I'd had exponentially worse menstrual cramps! I decided after going to the hospital and being sent home to rest and dilate further, that a hot shower would help my back to feel better. The whole family argued with me, saying that the heat would stop my contractions, so I should not take a shower, but I said that I was not having a baby today (I was so emotional!) since I'd been sent home. I cried, "I'm never having this baby!"
I got in the shower, and whined to my best friend, Kaylin about everyone trying to tell me not to take a shower, even though it would make me relax and feel better. I let the water hit my lower back, then I would put my face and head under the stream, and the steam would fill my lungs. I was feeling so much better for the first five minutes, then, my contractions started intensifying. I now had to rock back and forth. I had Kaylin start timing my pains again. Six minutes was the last count.
"What now?" I'd ask.
"That was four minutes, Chrystal."
"I'm having another, start counting..." I would sway in and out of the water, in pain, but still nothing I thought was too serious.
"That was three," she said, and forced me out of the bath. Of course everyone was excited to hear that I was right, and I was more than thrilled to tell them so. Still, the pain was not as terrible as I thought it should be, so I wasn't convinced I was having a baby quite yet.
Within an hour, I was at the hospital.
The doctor said I was dilated to a 4, which meant I was almost ready for an epidural if I so chose. I didn't like the thought of a loss of control over my legs, pushing, or bladder and bowels (I'm a little bit of a control freak, I know) so I opted against pain medication until he broke my water, when I learned what being a woman meant.
The doctor broke my water, and shortly after told me I could go for a walk, since gravity helps with the labor process. I walked down the hall maybe fifty feet to the guest waiting room where my family and friends were sitting, dripping with anticipation. I then was hit with a wave of contractions. I had to sit in one of the chairs, connected to my IV, in my gown, with my rear exposed. During contractions, the best way to explain it is that you leave the universe. I was no longer in that room, and could clearly see stars shooting past me, as my eyes were closed.
I had three while sitting there, and said a quick goodbye to my family and headed quickly back to my delivery bed. Things were beginning to happen quickly now. With the contractions, I lost feeling of my body, and went elsewhere in my mind. I told my doctor I was ready for some sort of pain management, post-haste. He gave me a medication called Stadol, which I completely recommend for those who don't feel comfortable with the epidural, but also don't feel comfortable with the pain...well, I felt all pain, it didn't take that away, but it took away the anxiety between contractions. I nearly slept between all contractions.
Soon, it was hours later and time to push. The worst part of all of the labor combined was being told for several different reasons to stop pushing. I can't describe the way the 'pushing' part of labor feels; you just have to push. My daughter was born at 11:59 PM on her due date. How is that for timing?!
